30 November 2008

The last day of the month before going to the last day of the year! Seems like time is flying by. Believe me, I'm not complaining. I have a pretty good story about our mission today and I would like to share it with you. It's a dirty story so prepare yourselves!

We were leaving the compound that our Iraqi counterparts are stationed at. We received a lot of rain yesterday (read the post before this one) and there is a lot of flooding in the city of Baghdad.

Now, the Iraqis do not know about crowning roads or creating gutter systems in their cities, but that isn't the problem when it comes to flooding in this city. The reason this city floods after a big rain is because their sewer system absolutely sucks and cannot hold all of the rain water that enters the system. Hence, when it rains a lot their sewage backs up and it spills into the streets. You still can't imagine how bad it is. When I "spills into the streets" I'm talking about enough spilling to create lakes of raw sewage - three-foot-deep lakes that stretch for a good 600 - 700 meters wide and 1000 meters long. It consumes houses, cars, donkey carts...everything.

The great thing about the US forces is we like to make our military vehicles big. The MRAPs are the same height of a semi truck. We can basically go through anything - 52,000lbs of armor and machinery. The weight can also be a detriment. When we were leaving the Iraqi Compound we were in this "lake" (we call it Lake Beladiyat when this happens). It's almost a feeling of riding a gondula through the streets of Venice, Italy, but the water is sewage and we're in a truck, not a boat. You can see hints of where the road should be, but you have to guess and then pray that you don't end up in the mud where the 52K# truck will get stuck. We cruised out of the gate, our 4 truck convoy, and were making good progress. There is a part of the road that requires us to cross the median because the side of the road we're on ends into a wall. The median is compacted earth so it's normally not that bad to cross. The key to making it across is to keep speed going through the mud and DON'T STOP. If the truck stops you're done. Well, I was the first vehicle to cross - no problem, then truck #2 crossed - no problem; truck #3 - no problem, truck #4 - slowed as it hit the curb and STOPPED! Oh great. It started to move and then that's when it started to turn bad - the back end of the MRAP started to sink. At that moment the whole patrol knew we were going to be sitting for a while.

Now, the MRAPs have winches on the front bumper for just this type of predicament. The problem, someone has to get out to hook the winch onto the back bumper of another truck...the key to this - someone has to get out. So, after about 10 minutes of trying to shimmy their way out of the mess they put themselves into the TC (Truck Commander), Viper 7, reluctantly decided he had to get out of the truck and hook up the winch. Truck #2 went back to get in front of the downed vehicle to assist and one of their soldiers got out of their truck, Viper 8. So, Viper 7 & Viper 8 are standing in the raw sewage directing vehicle movement and hooking up the winch...this is when it happened.

Viper 7 was directing one of the MRAPs while walking backward. You can't see through the shit water so you don't know what's at the bottom. What Viper 7 was unable to see was a giant pothole under his next step. BAM! At that moment, from my vehicle looking through the side mirror, all I could see were arms flying and body immediately disappearing! Viper 7 had fallen chest deep into the raw sewage water!! Did we show concern? HELL NO!! Everyone in my truck who could see the incident started busting out laughing. Viper 7 was now covered, literally, head-to-toe in shit water.

To add insult to injury, about two weeks earlier Viper 7 had accrued a nickname for himself. On the way to the same compound (a different route) I was in his vehicle and we were passing some Iraqis cultivating some land near a canal next to the road. Viper 7 asked a general question "What do they grow over there?". One of the interpreters in the back, Charlie, stated "Dey grow vegables". When that is said fast it can be mistaken for "They grow fish bubbles". I know that doesn't make any sense but that's what make it so funny; that is what Viper 7 thought he said. "They grow fish bubbles? How the hell do they grow fish bubbles?!", he asked. Charlie, now annoyed, said "Man, I said dey grow vegables!". Understanding what Charlie said I told Viper 7 "I think he's saying veg-e-tables, not fish bubbles". Once he got it we all started laughing and I told him his new nickname is "bubbles".

So, combining the two stories and utilizing his last name, Brown, it's easy to come up with a new, even better nickname for him - "Brownie Bubbles". I hope you liked our funny day today. Viper 7 wouldn't think it was so funny, but everyone else does!!